The first time I dressed in the gender I knew myself to be I felt an overwhelming sense of being right, I could finally allow myself to open up as a woman. Imagine hiding from yourself for about forty-five years only to finally find the wherewithal to come out at long last, and this only because your life depended on it. I would, whenever I could draw and paint female models, feel as though this brought me closer to who I was, it was like a secret way in which I could express myself without actually coming out, the danger seemed less even if It always dragged me deeper into depression.I first dressed in the female gender as a child of eight though I knew I was a girl before this. I would sneak clothing like aprons, scarves, some jewelry, shoes and yes dresses. This is the crux of my life, my story, I survived because I found a way to roll with the hits, and live.