What is the value of my writing?

When I started writing my crime queer crime thriller, I dreamed of one day seeing it on bookstore shelves, doing reading and book signings, hell, even being approached by Hollywood. I was dreaming big. Then, as I kept writing and got closer to completing the story, I began worrying and becoming anxious. I imagined potential agents and publishers laughing at my efforts,

I know that this is how I tend to be when creating, or rather, how I get when thinking beyond the process of creating. I am filled with self-doubt about being an impostor, which I’m not. There was a time when I would accept any type of attention if this meant my story would be published, but not anymore.

I am so proud of what I’ve written. The Rainbow Killer; is a Mary Dubois Thriller, the first of a series with a queer woman of trans origin criminal psychologist. Its backdrop is a rural countryside village in the province of Quebec. The bucolic and peaceful appearance is not as it seems, as Mary Dubois deals with a serial killer.

My days are filled with reading and writing. Of jotting down ideas while away from. my computer. It has taken me a year to write this thriller, and I’m just now in the final draft before showing it to my publisher. As I mentioned earlier, I used to be very anxious and filled with the idea that anything I created would be inferior, somehow lesser than the creation of others. How wrong I had been. I now know and understand that no matter how often my manuscript might get turned down, it has less to do with the quality of the writing or even the story than it does with the needs and desires of a potential publisher.

I do not need to think of myself as a brilliant writer to feel confident in my creations. I do know that I’m a good writer, one who will continue improving. So, what is the value of my writing? Well, in terms of the outside world, one of the publishers and agents, I will be looking for strong editorial feedback and professional promotion of the novel with a view to sales. I want to be kept up to date on reviews, and of course, I will no longer settle for any offer that comes my way if I don’t feel one hundred percent satisfied. My skills as a writer have increased tenfold since writing my memoir.

I don’t want my novel to languish in some limbo. I want it to shine and take its place on shelves with competing books of the same genre. I guess what I’m getting at is I no longer settle for peanuts; I want caviar. Getting my novel(s) published is not a race; it’s a process in which the value of my writing is acknowledged and rewarded.
Last thoughts. I am fortunate as an author, having already seen my memoir picked up by a wonderful publisher, and I am thankful beyond words. The above is simply a reflection on my evolving attitude and confidence in myself as a writer and what I will be looking for as a queer woman of trans origin author. Cover of the Rolling Stones baby, Cover of the Rolling Stones!

Joelle Circé

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