My story and why I decided to finally write it. I can say right off that this is not the story of a heroine, because I am decidedly not such a person. There have been many memoirs written by women like myself, women of trans origin. I originally started putting words to my Pages app a few years ago, mostly because I needed to read my own words and work through my feelings and try and get a better understanding of who I am.
When I began to transition, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders because now everyone would know this secret I so jealously kept to myself for decades, I had outed myself knowing how it would deeply impact the rest of my life. I knew that I could not go back and I didn’t want to in any case, I just wanted to stop pretending to be someone I never had been. My life was hitting rock bottom, I had no desire to continue as I was, I could no longer endure this shadow life in which I existed only for the satisfaction of others.
I did read a few memoirs by women like Jan Morris and Kate Bornstein and a few more, they were eye openers for me and I started to realize I wasn’t alone, that there was a community of people like myself. This brought me to search out a support group and I began attending weekly meetings in order to learn from my peers and figure out my next steps.
It was a difficult road to be on, yet far from the horrible life I had lived up until then. I was finally coming into my own and I knew who I was, always did only now I was open about it and glad to have found the strength to come out and announce it to family and friends. I did lose many of them in the process and I’m ok with this since I could not continue otherwise.
I came out in 1999, my youngest brother was my first supporter, we would go take small walks in the evening just so I could get used to this new outward presentation of myself. I will always be grateful to my young brother for his support when I needed it the most.
I wrote my memoirs for two reasons, the first is because I absolutely needed to get all these emotions and trauma out in the open so as to better understand what it was I had gone through over all those years, I wanted to figure myself out and see the path I was on. The second reason came a little later on, and it’s that I think my story can be helpful to others in my situation, as well as for anyone going through a difficult time.
I am a paintress by profession and you can view my art on this website, I am also a woman of trans origin, married to a wonderful Butch partner, living my best life out in the Lanaudière region of Quebec, Canada with our five cats. Now that I have published my first book ” Breaking Free: 45 Years In The wrong Body ” on Amazon, I am translating it to French and at the same time, I am putting together a coffee table book of my paintings since transitioning, these two books should become available by the Spring of 2021.
Thank you for reading and I hope to will continue to follow my evolution, tell your friends of my book and feel free to drop comments.
Janet Mock – “Self-definition and self-determination are about the many varied decisions that we make to compose and journey toward ourselves… It’s OK if your personal definition is in a constant state of flux as you navigate the world.”
“All of us are put in boxes by our family, by our religion, by our society, our moment in history, even our own bodies. Some people have the courage to break free.
“What if I fall? Oh,but my darling,what if you fly?”― Erin Hanson